Nothing quite matches the excitement that people feel when one of their favorite Game Franchises is scheduled for a reboot, it’s a warm tingling feeling filled with hopes and dreams. The Thief reboot takes those dreams and throws them into a pit of tedious, unrewarding game play and clearly shows that some games should just stay dead.
As the title might imply, you play as Master Thief “Garrett” as he steals every thing not nailed to the ground, this mostly consists of junk such as pens, plates, wine glasses and even letter openers, to things that are actually worth something such as rings and golden coil bracelets. His excessive bouts of kleptomania make him more of a scavenger than Master Thief and all of the rarer items are scripted finds, so rather than selling them to the magical, invisible merchant that gives me gold whenever I pick up an item, our thief keeps all the shiny things in a dusty old chest at the top of a clock tower – No, I’m not joking.
While taking brief breaks in between ransacking a collection of random houses that all had the same interior decorator, you do eventually take time to go through the chapters of the game to progress through the story. As you do, Garrett discovers that a heist gone wrong has turned into a paranormal super-cult determined to control the minds of millions through the power of special trinkets and excessive amounts of Lens flare. Now I know what you may be thinking “This sounds just like every other supernatural narrative I’ve played.” Unfortunately, that’s exactly what it is.
Thief is a perfect example of a developer doing absolutely nothing to entice a person into playing their game. The characters are flat and emotionless, the protagonist provides one word answers and replies to any situation with a selection of lame, over used Cliches, the antagonists seem to be enemies for no other reason than to be a mild inconvenience as you ransack their hideouts and supporting characters are so bland and forgettable that I’ve actually had an easier time relating to cacti.
The narrative is dull and not even remotely memorable, instead providing the most oblivious of mission objectives, those objectives being “Infiltrate this building, steal something and bring it back. Good! Now do that 8 more times in different areas that are eerily similar and follow an identical floor plan.” The puzzles, in the game if they can even be called puzzles are tedious, uninspired and focus on backtracking and obnoxious stick movements to extend the length of the segment instead of making anything remotely original or difficult.
As if the emotionless characters, repetitive, linear story-line and tired puzzles weren’t bad enough, the movement is incredibly clunky and difficult to manage and the controls make the controller itself incredibly difficult and uncomfortable to hold. Movement is based around the LT or L2 Buttons, as you flop clumsily down a gap you thought you could jump over. Aiming and firing your bow is completely controlled by the RT or R2 buttons, accuracy depending on how long you hold the button down, in addition, you can’t cancel firing your bow unless you perform another action such as using your Melee or sprinting. Your Health items and Arrow types are controlled by a poorly designed wheel of blunders and your Melee is controlled by RB or R1. The whole ordeal just feels clumsy and poorly planned.
I had high hopes for Thief, I was excited to play it and a lot of my reviews are positive feedback on what developers could do to improve, based on a consensus of mutual ideas. Eidos, however just couldn’t seem to manage to do anything right with this reboot, rendering this game to a poorly lip synced, ungraceful mess.
Thief is available now for the Xbox One, Playstation 3, Xbox 360, Playstation 4 and PC